Saturday, March 06, 2010

I'm Alive and Well

The events of the last 2 weeks have been frought with pain, anticipation and relief. I've looked for emails that I could copy and paste here but haven't found the full story... so here it goes. I hope all who read this understand that writing is a helpful process for me. I never write to antagonize or bare all.

We left Wednesday, 2/24, to head to Galveston to be with my father-in-law. He was in home hospice and we were all in for a ride. When we arrived, Steve had limited verbal abilities, quite a handicap for an attorney who made his livelihood from speaking eloquently & using his hands. This accomplished attorney suffered from liver & pancreatic cancer. It was not good. Thursday, Friday & Saturday, we spent by his side. This proud man was weak and it broke my heart. I won't go into too many details. On Saturday night, before we went to bed, a new home hospice lady came to the house for an 8 pm to 8 am shift. It was her very first shift, although she had previous worked as an EMT. Trent & I told her, as we headed up for bed, that if she had questions or concerns, she should call Trent's cell phone, not his Mom's. She needed her sleep.

The next thing I know: Trent was listening to the hospice lady and told me that we needed to head immediately downstairs. I told Trent to get his Mom while I got his sister and we'd all be downstairs together so his Dad wouldn't be alone.

After waking Trent's sister, she needed a minute to collect herself. I headed for the stairs.

Trent & his mom held hands around his Daddy. Trent touched his father to check his pulse, pulled back and said: "Mom, I love you. Daddy is gone. His pain is over."


You can maybe imagine what my husband said aloud. I won't write it here. The poor man ran to the back stairwell to find me. I had fallen in my rush to get to my father-in-law, from the top 3rd step. Trent said I must have missed all the steps and landed on the landing. When he went to reach for me, he found a pool of blood and I was unconscious. The hospice helper, who was a former EMT, told my husband how to hold my neck & head. My mother-in-law called 911.

I'm told I asked 5 questions again & again. All I remember is waking up in the hospital with a broken nose, two purple eyes & a worried husband. I was released that day after a cat-scan, an X-ray and other tests. We had the visitation on Tuesday; we had the burial and memorial on Wednesday. I did one of the eulogies. My dad picked me up from Galveston and brought me to Houston on Thursday.

I slept for close to 13 hours Thursday night at my parents' home & I'm doing better & better, despite being away from my husband and baby. It seems weird. But how can I not do better when each day I look better, and feel better despite the pain our family feels.

Trent & I are quite fond of the song by Kenny Chesney & Dave Matthews called "I'm alive and well." And it's quite true for me. Is it fair to say "onward & upward"?

Until the next time...